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One of the things that I think that couples learn from dating is that relationships are not etched in stone. The teenage couple that seems like the ones to get married, have five kids and live happily ever after soon have problems where one or both parties decide to go elsewhere.
For me, I did not have many relationships– having my first one in my senior year, and only three others before my wife. Only one of those got to the point where I was serious enough about the girl to start making the plans to marry her.
It was after this woman and her parents decided to put an end to the relationship that I realized that the most important thing I needed in a relationship was trust– my heart had to trust that the person that I was serious about was with me through anything.
Proverbs 31:11-12 speaks to this need of the husband to trust the wife:
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
I especially like that last part of verse 11, that he shall have no need of spoil– so strong is the love and trust that the man has in the woman’s love and good will toward him that he has no need of material things.
Godly wife, does your husband have reason to trust in you that much? How confident is he that you will do him good and not evil for your entire life together? You see, this is really an important thing that I think that if you were to totally grasp this it could transform some marriages.
When I was in premarital counseling before my marriage to Virtuous Blonde, we were full of positive things to say about each other. We could never see ourselves getting a divorce. When asked if our feelings for another were a bank, how full was our love for each other and we were up near 80%. One of the things, though, that always stuck with me from those meetings was when the pastor told us that the things that we did while we were dating would be what we would expect to keep happening after the wedding.
Think about those feelings you had for your husband then. Do you still have them? Think about how he views your relationship now– if you had to guess, how much does he trust you to be the loving supportive wife God wants you to be?
Lastly, does he feel comfortable sharing with you what’s going on in his life, the good or the bad? Does he even share the bad things or that which he may be struggling with? Can he trust that you’ll seek to build him up, or do you believe that he’s worried that you might tear him down or pile on?
It’s a tough call to be a godly wife, but thank God that He provides the strength and the will to do all that He commands.
Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife
- Godly Wife: Is He Your Master?
- Godly Wife: Who Are You Seeking to Please?
- Godly Wife: Are You His Helper or His Obstacle?
- Godly Wife: Does Your Husband’s Heart Trust in You?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Handle When He is Wrong?
- Godly Wife: How do you Handle Disagreements?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Receive Correction?
- Godly Wife: Are You Drawing Him to You with Your Speech?
- Godly Wife: How Does Your Husband Grow?
- Godly Wife: Who Trains the Children?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Make Your Husband Feel?
- Godly Wife: Are You Intimately Available?
- Godly Wife: Do You Speak To Your Husband with Flattering Words?
- Godly Wife: Are You Helping Your Husband to Greater Heights?
- Godly Wife: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?
- Godly Wife: Are You Openly Appreciative of Your Husband?
- Godly Wife: Do You Dominate Your Husband?
- Godly Wife: Have You Cut the Cord?
I hope that when I get married my husband will feel comfortable enough sharing with me all his inner most feelings and emotions. I want his heart to trust in me.
I know that it’s a lot of work both way– in some ways I think our parents make it look too easy.
Something that I’ve read, bring married and a parent, that hit me was when someone said that make sure your disagreements don’t only occur behind closed doors. You need to teach by demonstration how to work through problems.
My parents rarely disagreed in front of us, and there was a good feeling of safety in that. I remember the few times my dad lost his temper, and mom’s feelings were hurt and she retreated to her room, etc. I hated that! My dh and I don’t try to hide anything from our children, but we don’t “fight” either. Our personalities are SOOO laid-back that disagreements are few and far between. Sounds boring doesn’t it? In fact, I sometimes wonder if something is wrong in the way we “communicate” since we so rarely disagree. Especially with all the Christian radio programs that say disagreements are part of a healthy marriage. I guess my dh is more important to me than getting my way, or getting my point across. Whenever he’s wrong, or I’m proven wrong, the standard joke is, “Let’s mark it on the calendar!” And we laugh.
I remember after 2 years of marriage, I was walking with a new friend, a neighbor, and she asked me “how do your husband and you fight?” I just looked askance at her. She clarified by saying that her parents had taught her well. Basically, she and her dh fought physically…throwing things at each other, etc. Talk about shock! People really think this solves problems???
It’s hard to maintain a positive example in a difficult environment. God never told us that living a life for Him would be easy!
It’s the difference between us and others that makes us stand out. Fortunately we can rest assured that God doesn’t command us to do something that He doesn’t also provide the way and power to do it.
I used to think that my husband and I had great communication before we got married. That all came to a horrific stop the first week we were married. I cannot delve more into that.
My husband and I do talk, but we have to be careful on the subjects we choose. I love talking about God/Jesus and most definitely politics. This tends to infuriate my husband since he is at opposite opinions than myself.