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It’s really interesting being a new dad– more so being a new mom, I can tell– but as any “new” parent knows (whether it’s your first or your fifth) that new “bundle of joy” brings a lot of attention. No, not the “changing diapers, up all night, and you have to feed me now” kind– that’s not what I was talking about. I mean, now people that may never have said “boo” to you before want to come up and comment on the baby and talk to you about everything to from if she smiles to who she looks most like.
This makes the parents feel proud– God did the work, we can take the credit. The question, Godly Wife, is how do you make your husband feel? In Proverbs 12:4, Solomon talks about just how much control you have over how your hubby feels:
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
Yikes! Obviously, there’s a lot that goes into the first one. A crown can mean many things. In my mind, it first means that you can make him feel like a king. Obviously, a crown does not change the person’s position. Just look at the story of the Prince and Pauper (been reading the Mickey Mouse version of this a lot to my oldest son). The Prince was still the Prince, even in the Pauper’s clothing. But it’s the way that the crown carries authority. Are you magnifying his authority– making him feel like the king?
Do you adorn him? I’m not asking if you’re trying to be a “trophy wife”, but when they look at you do they exalt him? Do you build him up or bring him down.
The second part of the verse is scarier than the first. I hope that none of you bring your husband shame, and yet it is so easy to get caught up in what we’re doing that we miss what the other is trying to do. Whether it’s in our plans, in our idle conversation, or in the manner in which we treat one another, we can bring shame on our spouse. As wives, it’s important to remember that what you do (especially in public and in front of the children) has an effect on your husband, and you should avoid shaming him, as it is as rottenness in his bones. No amount of milk will fix that!
Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife
- Godly Wife: Is He Your Master?
- Godly Wife: Who Are You Seeking to Please?
- Godly Wife: Are You His Helper or His Obstacle?
- Godly Wife: Does Your Husband’s Heart Trust in You?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Handle When He is Wrong?
- Godly Wife: How do you Handle Disagreements?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Receive Correction?
- Godly Wife: Are You Drawing Him to You with Your Speech?
- Godly Wife: How Does Your Husband Grow?
- Godly Wife: Who Trains the Children?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Make Your Husband Feel?
- Godly Wife: Are You Intimately Available?
- Godly Wife: Do You Speak To Your Husband with Flattering Words?
- Godly Wife: Are You Helping Your Husband to Greater Heights?
- Godly Wife: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?
- Godly Wife: Are You Openly Appreciative of Your Husband?
- Godly Wife: Do You Dominate Your Husband?
- Godly Wife: Have You Cut the Cord?
Alright…I’ll be first on this one, dragging my feet! lol That Proverbs 12:4 passage has always hit me hard…and no, I’ll be the first to admit I’m not always a ‘crown’ to my husband. I have struggled with this my entire marriage. No, I don’t shame him in public or talk down to him around others. I’ve always tried to ‘lift him up’, honor and respect him in front of others. But it has been very difficult in private and God knows I struggle with this! For me, those passages that speak about honor, respect, obey and Sarah calling her husband ‘Lord’ are a weakness in my own private, personal life. I don’t know if my husband even knows how much I struggle with this. But, God is working in me and I am changing. Praise the Lord!
Thank you for the heart check! We all need a reminder every now and then where we stand in our own personal growth! Deb
It’s an every day process to get closer to God that we’re engaged in until He takes us to be with Him. I’m glad that I can be an encouragement as you try to be more like Christ in your marriage!
It is an every day struggle. I wasn’t taught any of those things and I have to make a decsion all the time, not to shame my husband. I have to rethink everything I’m going to say before I say it. Especially when I am around others.
The nice part, Bethanie, is that over time and with practice we can get into the habit where it’s not as hard to say the right things at the right times. It’s getting consistent with checking our thoughts about the person (because our tongue only says what our hearts think) and, like you said, making sure we think about what we are going to say and the impact it will have before saying it.
Bethanie,
A book that really helped me is called ‘Created to Be His Helpmeet‘, by Debi Pearl. It can be ordered at ‘No Greater Joy Ministries‘, on-line, which is where my daughter bought her copy. I read my friends book this past fall. When I first started reading, I felt some anger toward the book, (if that makes any sense!) But by the end of the book, Debi really kind of put it all together. The overall picture of the book was very helpful. There are a couple things that I had a little trouble with, but overall it really taught me the importance of respecting your husband as your leader and protector, because this is God’s plan for us as women. It is in our best interest. I’m a very strong-willed person, so it has been a struggle for me, (and I’m sure for my dear husband). But, God gave me a very patient and generous man.
I will be praying for you, Bethanie! I know that other’s prayers for me have really changed my life! Deb
I liked “Created To Be His Helpmeet” too. Thanks for the prayer!
I also benefited greatly from this book as it impacted how my wife made ME feel 😉
So much did I appreciate the changes that I read the companion book for husbands entitled “The Exemplary Husband”, by Stewart Scott.
Both are available at ChristianBook.com.
–Larry
http://www.LarryEiss.com