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The danger of writing a post talking about how wives should be intimately available to their husbands is two fold:
- Men automatically think that this is a one way thing– their wives should be more intimate.
- Men somehow think it justifies those times where it’s difficult to control where their mind goes.
You see, we live in a society and culture today that is bombarding us with sexual images. Part of the admonition to the wives as far as intimacy is to know the reality of the way that men are wired and to help keep us from temptation. But this is not solely the wife’s job.
Men, it is important for us– yea, imperative– that we work hard at avoiding things that could even be near the line of those things that are unacceptable for us to be allowing into our mind. The mixture of our chemistry and our mind can mean that we store and replay things that we shouldn’t– and that our wives would have no problem forgetting.
This means that we have to make a conscious effort to guard our minds and our eyes. There are two methods to doing this:
- Prayer and thinking about what you are doing before doing it. If you’re in prayer, you’re less likely to go somewhere even questionable. If you’re thinking about what you are doing rather than responding to impulses or desires, you’ll stop before going to that place, clicking that link or watching that video.
- Consistently practice making your wife the center of your life. Remember how there were no other women for you while you were dating? You wouldn’t even dream of looking at another? Why was that? It was because you were putting all your energy into winning the one woman that you love. Keep doing that.
You see, if you’re in prayer and your focused on what would please your Lord and your wife you will find that the desire to see how close you can get to the line will be less, because you have correctly focused your desire.
This doesn’t let either party off the hook as far as maintaining a correct physical relationship, but it does not say that it’s all the wife’s fault if you’re falling into temptation.
- Godly Husband: You Must Be Born Again
- Godly Husband: Are You a Leader?
- Godly Husband: Is She Your Helper or Your Slave?
- Godly Husband: You Must be a Lover
- Godly Husband: You Must Be a Protector
- Godly Husband: Do You Do Too Much?
- Godly Husband: Using Your Perspective
- Godly Husband: What Do You Care Most About?
- Godly Husband: How Well Do You Know Your Wife?
- Godly Husband: Are You There?
- Godly Husband: How is Your Thought Life?
- Godly Husband: How Are You Treating “Your” Body
- Godly Husband: Are You Pro-Active?
- Godly Husband: Are You Precise?
- Godly Husband: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?
- Godly Husband: Are You a Provider?
- Godly Husband: Do You Nourish and Cherish Your Wife?
Another way wives can be helpful is not to expect our husbands to go to the mall with us. Or is mine the only one who is troubled by the images presented there?
I love that #2, on keeping your wife at the center of your life. That is great advice for women too. I remember pre-kids, when I vowed to never let dh slip into the outer realm of importance b/c I was so busy with children. Yet, time and again he has. 🙁
Rebecca, we rarely get to the mall, but my dh is highly uncomfortable within 3 feet of the lingerie section in Wal Mart! I just thought it was his extremely modest nature…now you’ve got me wondering if it might be something more!
Hard to say, Rebecca. I think that sometimes the way people are dressed at the mall is worse than some of the stores. I don’t know that lingerie itself is the problem, it’s the fact that they need to put it on women on posters that are larger than life is. It is somewhat innocent to avoid lingerie altogether, it’s another thing to want to consider seeing a woman in it as something special an unique to you– the wife.
Well, MIn, you make a good point, which I have blogged about before. If he were to avoid everywhere where the women dressed inappropriately, he wouldn’t even go to church.
And it is the larger than life posters he objects to, not any clothing itself.
My husband has always been extremely careful about this. He will not watch a movie, look at a magazine, etc. if there is anything even hinting at being improper. I’ve always been very thankful for that. Especially since he drove over the road for 8 years, home once or twice a month and he was in the military, gone for 2,3 or 4 months at a time. I never had any doubts about him!! :biggrin:
Somewhere along the line– and it’s strongly linked to what you’re saying, Rebecca– is the fact that people can get numb to seeing things. That is what I see is the greatest danger to a society that is that permissive in what they bombard people with.
Some would say that it shows that we’re just prudes– since we can use familiarity to erase objections. I see it as taking away special things that help build relationships. There are certain things that are completely yours– things that you have to give that no one else has. The more you give out to the person you date or the random person on the web, the less you have to give.
Same thing with what we see. The more we’ve seen, as men, the less ouor wife may appeal to us, or the less “new” it is. It’s something that bigger than we think– and makes things a lot more dangerous than they appear.