by 
Much could be said about the bond that should be present between a husband and wife. That bond is reflective of the bond between Christ and the Church, a bond that is supposed to last until death, and that is unconditional.
Part of that bond is enjoying all that each other has to offer. Each person in the marriage relationship brings something different. They bring their perspective, their ideas and dreams, their opinions and their desires. They are two different beings made one through their vows and in the presence of God.
Just as our relationship with God is a thing of joy, pleasure, and beyond compare, so should our relationship with our spouse.
As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress? – Proverbs 5:19-20
Let Her Body Attract You
The first part may cause some of these types of reactions:
- You may have turned a shade of red.
- You then asked “He really isn’t going to talk about that?”
- You may have stopped reading.
- You may have skipped ahead to see where I was going with this…
The thing is, if you can get past the comparison of a wife with a deer1, you will see that there is an appropriate physical relationship that is supposed to be satisfying between the husband and wife.
Now, the woman and the man might have a different definition of what is satisfying as far as intimacy. They may have different needs. However, the passage is as it stands—your special needs that are supposed to be fulfilled by your partner are to be satisfied by your partner. There should be nothing left wanting. Both the man and the woman should not be left desiring more for their needs should have be satisfied.
And to take it a step further, Solomon says that you should be enraptured with their love. It shouldn’t be something boring. It shouldn’t be something that’s entered into because of a feeling of obligation. It should be something that gives joy, that creates longing and desire.
The Seductress Tries To Attract You
In the Old Testament, when there wasn’t a camera and video, the only competition for your wife’s love was the Seductress, the harlot, the immoral woman. She would be where she thought she could attract people, and would wear clothing to match. Her goal would be power, pleasure, and in the end pain.
Today the Seductress that would take you away from loving your wife like this verse recommends takes many forms. She still is the prostitute, the harlot, and the streetwalker, but she’s taken on other forms:
- She’s the television personality, that has to dress in a provocative fashion to catch eyeballs.
- She’s the girl that wears shirts that focus the attention on parts of her anatomy, making statements like “I Know What Boys Want”.
- She’s the woman that modeled for a photo-shoot in her underwear2 or less for the posters in stores in the mall, which make you want to avoid them.
- She’s the woman that makes a living filming pornography, and ignores the damage that she does to families around the country.
- She’s the girl that takes photos of herself, or puts herself on a webcam, showing off her body and attracting attention.
While photography can be great, it has opened the door for a lot of sin—in the minds of men. A lot of seduction happens today between two people that will never see each other.
The Power of Sight
A whole generation has explored the tremendous power of photography to capture what is and is not there. And the damage that has been done is that there are men (and to a much lesser degree women) that have replaced the desire that rightfully belongs to the spouse with desire focused on someone that they’ve never met.
Photographers capture an image of a woman in a suggestive pose, and the man believes that she is doing that for him. He sees that she willingly disrobes, and believes that’s for him. He allows his mind to commit adultery in his heart, to allow that seduction continue.
And the saddest part is that he’s defiling himself, hurting his relationship with his wife, all for someone to make money off of him! They’re selling him something, or charging him money to destroy his life—and the guy continues to want more.
Feigned Innocence
The Seductress is not innocent. She would have you believed that since she never met the man, did not tell him what to think of her, and did not ask him to look that she is innocent of the devastation she caused.
And yet she is not.
She took the money to make the poses that caused this man to fall. Just as the Seductress knew she was using flattery, made sure to prepare her chambers and scheduled it so that her husband wasn’t home, this new Seductress knew she was getting paid—and what it was for.
- She knew that she would be having pictures taken to attract men or sell a product.
- She knew that it would get her attention—and some degree of power.
- She knew that it was special and unique, but she didn’t care.
- She knew the effect it would have—because she wanted the attention that effect has.
She is not innocent, because she was deliberately having those photos taken, posing on the webcam to people she cannot see, and arousing feelings that she had no business being anywhere near.
He is not hers.
Avoiding the Seductress
Men, train yourselves to find delight in your wife—her form, her feelings, her love. Satisfy your hungry eyes by focusing on your wife, and not subjecting yourself to the sexual stimulation around you.
I know, it’s difficult. You can’t go to the park, WalMart, the mall, the Internet or the beach without being bombarded with women and girls that are begging for you to take in their body.
Women, the same applies. Don’t go lusting after men, but focus on your man. Furthermore, watch what you wear and what it says. Make sure your clothing takes into consideration who you are and who you have committed yourself too. To me, that means you will probably have two different sets of wardrobe—one for him and one for the public. But that’s probably best left up to you and him.
- I’m not quite sure what it was about that time period where Solomon and Samson all compared women to animals like deer, sheep, heifers, etc. To do so now would definitely not be considered romantic, and yet I’m sure that this was borderline erotic literature at the time. [↩]
- You know that I consider a bikini as basically a woman walking around near water in her underwear, right? [↩]
Very good point about the two sets of clothing. Some friends and I have been discussing back and forth about appropriate attire for married women. I firmly believe that even if the husband is okay with his wife dressing in a sexy way, even if he encourages it, she is still responsible for not causing other men to stumble. While I am by no means someone who is ultra-conservative in my dress, I am always modest and classy. I can’t tell you how many makeover shows I’ve watched where they’ve taken a trashy-looking woman and made her over into classy… and she felt so much better about herself. She felt more desirable than she did when she was dressing in her old way.
There’s definately something to be said for modesty, elegance, and class.
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@AG: And it really doesn’t need to be two entirely different wardrobes either, when you start thinking about layering. A lot of what is “sexy” now is just people wearing under layers as outer layers.
What I believe would work is to have a set of inner layers that you could throw something over to become modest when you walk out of the house.