March 4, 2024

Deciding Beforehand

pure kiss

In our last post1 we talked about some reasons that people have to remain pure before marriage.  We need to have strong reasons for why we will remain pure or else “in the heat of the moment” we will compromise our decision in order to go further than we believe we should.

Such is the nature of sin—it keeps you wanting more, it wants you to get as close to the edge as possible, instead of staying far away from it.

After you’ve chosen why you are going to remain pure, write it down.  Write it down somewhere that you will remember.  When you find yourself in a relationship, or starting to get interested in someone, make it known up front where you stand, what you believe, and why you’ve made the decision that you’ve made.  You may even want to tell your family and ask their help in keeping you to what you’ve decided.

Having made the decision, and made it known, you will be more honest and up front with the girl/guy that you are dating, and you will have made your desire clear.

If a the other person does not respect your decision, and you’ve taken the time up front to explain it, then you will be more able to put a halt to a relationship headed in the wrong direction before you are tempted to break your decision.

If the other person says that they’re going to work to get you to change your mind, you know that the person does not respect you, and you should leave.  The point is that you know what you want, you’ve decided before you were in the relationship, and it should help you to make clear choices as a relationship starts.

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  1. See the series index at the bottom of this post if you missed it! []

4 thoughts on “Deciding Beforehand

  1. Another great post I should print out for my youth girls!

    I’ve worked to get them to write down a “Purity Line.” What frustrates me with them is they are so concerned with how far God with “let” them go. They don’t see Scriptures like “Flee from sexual immorality” and “Don’t even have a HINT of sexual immorality” as boundaries put down by their loving Father to protect them; they see it as a law by a heartless God who doesn’t want them to have any fun.

    I know how much pressure I had in high school; I see how bad it is now with the teenagers I minister to. My heart breaks for how bad it will be when my baby girl is in high school. Our country (and humanity!) needs to turn back to God before our immorality destroys us!

    Rachels last blog post..A Poem for Mrs. Marie

  2. @Rachel: It’s human nature to try to get as close to the line as possible. The problem is that when we get that close to the line we’ve already demonstrated how easily we can cross over it.

    It’s hard to flee from temptation, but it’s harder to remain emotionally pure. Attaching yourself emotionally and affectionately will lead to physical attachment. And the sad things is, most boys will be trying to rush to get to the physical attachment and they’re good at playing girl’s emotions (just as some girls are good at playing boy’s emotions).

    Thanks for the compliment, and I’ll be praying that you can reach your girls.

  3. This was the exact subject of most of our Bible class this morning…so many young girls in our small town are coming up pregnant! And it becomes a real problem when they’re “church” kids. In my sister’s church this young “couple” (he’s still a senior in hs) had even advocated abstinance in front of the church, and now they’re expecting, unmarried. The tendency for the church is to embrace them for keeping the baby (not aborting) and it’s almost as if everyone is excited for them. What does a church do? IMO, this couple owes the congregation (the young kids especially, who look to them as an example) an apology. I really don’t think churches should host showers for unwed mothers either. That sounds harsh…and it’s not that I don’t think we should be gracious and forgive mistakes, I just think we need to be careful because little eyes are watching. I have no problem giving a gift to the mommy/newborn, but helping host a church shower–uh-uh.

    What do you think?

  4. @Mary: Somewhere in my delicious links is an article about the very subject of Christians who are vocally anti-abortion getting abortions and it ties in with what you’re saying. Christians are human, and they do know right from wrong, but they often fall prey to the same sins because they don’t prepare for what lies ahead.

    As for what should the church do? In one church I was a member of, sexual sin seemed to be the only sin that the church was willing to do church discipline on. They had to come up and apologize to the congregation, and some lost any position of leadership they had. Some were encouraged to get married– sooner rather than later.

    Biblically, they sinned, and if they’ve confessed it they have been freed from it. But the example and the consequences still have to follow. I wouldn’t have a problem of having a shower for them that consisted of church people, but I’m unsure whether I’d have the shower at the church, or organized by the church. Let the family throw the shower and invite church members.

    The best thing is if they could be encouraged to get married (where possible). Good from the example angle, good for the unborn child, etc.

    That’s my .05. (Adjusted for the price of gas/inflation)

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