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Who, in your family makes the first move? I’m not talking about a board game, or even when it comes to the first one to get out of bed, but what I am talking about is in your relationship– who makes the first move?
When we look at the example left for us in Scripture as well as the commands of scripture we see that whether it’s reconciling with a brother that you have offended or taking the lead, someone has to do it.
In the case of a family, we (as husbands) are the head of our family, and by virtue of this leadership position we need to be the ones seeking out reconciliation of our wives to ourselves when we sense the need. Let’s face it guys, we know that there are some times that we have either done something that we know our wives don’t like– or there are times that she is sending us clear signals (whether we want to acknowledge them or not) that something is wrong. In these cases we are responsible to go to her and make things right.
It should also be our move first to lead our children and wife in the way of godliness, to establish family devotions, to be the one to want to go to church, and to lead in doing the difficult things. With the leadership we are given through Christ comes much responsibility.
I guess the question is, are we men enough?
Hat tip to From Dreadlock to Wedlock
- Godly Husband: You Must Be Born Again
- Godly Husband: Are You a Leader?
- Godly Husband: Is She Your Helper or Your Slave?
- Godly Husband: You Must be a Lover
- Godly Husband: You Must Be a Protector
- Godly Husband: Do You Do Too Much?
- Godly Husband: Using Your Perspective
- Godly Husband: What Do You Care Most About?
- Godly Husband: How Well Do You Know Your Wife?
- Godly Husband: Are You There?
- Godly Husband: How is Your Thought Life?
- Godly Husband: How Are You Treating “Your” Body
- Godly Husband: Are You Pro-Active?
- Godly Husband: Are You Precise?
- Godly Husband: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?
- Godly Husband: Are You a Provider?
- Godly Husband: Do You Nourish and Cherish Your Wife?
As of today, my hubby and I have chosen to save this marriage and are making compromises on both sides, will it work? We’ll see. We have to take one day at a time.
There has to be common ground.
You’re right, Leticia. It’s very rare that the problem is exclusively with one person. At the same time it is the husband’s responsibility to seek to mend the relationship.
Right now, MIn, I had to do it. As you know my husband wants nothing to do with God, so I must be an example. However, I completely agree with you. The husband should be the one to initiate the peace in the home.
Well, we keep praying for your husband, Leticia. It may take some time, but a good example will have a positive effect!
This is an encouraging post for your male readers. But we women readers know that it’s not always the most realistic to expect our husband to make the first move. I just wanted to chime in and say that, yes, it’s an area of weakness/blindness in husbands to be the first one to admit there’s a problem (face it, how many of us wives laid awake at night fuming while dh snored happily unaware? if this isn’t a common scenerio in the first year of marriage, I don’t know what is!), but we wives have the Biblical responsibility to die to self and be a helpmeet. (only in the good times? not according to our vows!)
I’m sure a lot depends on the husband’s personality, but I’ve learned that many times men don’t pick up on signals (plus, my husband abhors me or the kids “hinting around/pouting”, so we don’t!) and many times they haven’t a clue that they’ve hurt our feelings! Obviously there are exceptions to that, but all that to say that I think many times we women get too bent out of shape over things. In my case, it’s easier to choose to forgive and forget (w/o confrontation) or to be the first one to offer the olive branch when it’s something that needs addressed.
One more thing, since I brought up the emotional “signals” we women give out when we’re upset…we need to watch out for this. Our daughters pick up on it and it’s not pretty. We had a houseguest a few years ago that got her feelings hurt on a dime (and I’m pretty sensitive but I had NO idea what ruffled her feathers)…she wouldn’t speak to us when spoken to, anyway, I’ll spare you the blow-by-blow but she was impossible to be around! Then a year later, one of her siblings came to stay and we got the same treatment! Sad to say, their mother is like this with her husband and with them! So they are learning it by example.
We have to be better examples to our children if we want them to have good marriages some day. This mother/daughter warning is just as applicable for the fathers and their sons.
We are being watched and we’re raising miniatures of ourselves! :ermm:
Leticia,
What a blessing that he wants to save the marriage also! And that he’s willing to make compromises…so many men aren’t. Just count the little steps as huge blessings, you are a light in the darkness, girl! So many marriages are failing over little things…when people like you choose to stick it out and try your best to believe that God’s way is worth pursuing…well, actions like that are a powerful testimony. I’m sure you already have a ministry of encouragement to other women struggling with similar issues…and someday when your marriage is rock solid, wow, what a testimony of your obedience and God’s grace that will be.
I say this because I’ve known older women in seemingly great marriages that have taken time to share that they’ve had their own hells to respond to, years of unsaved spouses, yet later in life, God was faithful. One woman’s husband served 6 years in jail, got out and wanted nothing to do with her, but her continual love and prayers drew him back. They have 6 kids together, he is still unsaved but treats her like a queen and allows her to have a ministry to young moms/wives. He lets her read the Bible to him, and teach their children about the Lord. She is sure that it’s only a matter of time before he’s saved.
God bless ya, you’re in my prayers!
Love,
Mary