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There are two commands in the New Testament that are very similar. One of them was the one that we covered with the wives is a previous post. That one had to do with the fact that your body is not your own, and neither is hers. The Word of God asks Godly Wives to make sure that they are intimately available.
The other passage that I think is related, and of special importance for us men as we think about our spouse’s body being ours and vice versa, is the one that says that we are to love our neighbor as ourselves.
You see, no one has to be taught to love themselves– we do it automatically. As is obvious with the current trend of justifying everything because it’s something we want to do, we know that people naturally seek their own best interest, and it’s tempting to do this in the area of marriage and sex as well.
Relating to Sex
You see, I don’t think that we men have the same dilemma when it comes to being intimate or seeking intimacy as the women do. Certainly we do have the problem in the way we approach it, how much time it takes, and whether we’re all about a single act (pardon my bluntness) or include the whole emotional aspect of it.
What we need to realize is that if her body is ours, and we are to love our neighbor, that means that there are certain times that we are going to have to choose not to exercise our ownership for the good of your wife. There are times where it’s not physically, emotionally or otherwise wise to engage in that kind of activity. There are times where you are going to have to be more giving than receiving.
Men, we need to not use this passage to force our wives to do something that they don’t want to do, while at the same time realizing that we belong to them as well, and since they are our most treasured vessel we are to be taking great care with them.
Relating to Grooming
The other area that I think is important when thinking about your body being hers is that it is important that she be able to comment on how she would like you to look and you take her suggestions to heart and consider implementing them.
When you were dating, you’d do anything that your girl friend suggested. Why is it when you get married (and your body is not your own anymore) that you now suddenly “have rights”? I’m not saying that you should totally change your lifestyle, but I am saying that you should be open to her input, and aim to please her!
Seeking your wife’s happiness in your presentation is important– and I believe that you’ll see that she’ll try harder to please you in her appearance as well!
- Godly Husband: You Must Be Born Again
- Godly Husband: Are You a Leader?
- Godly Husband: Is She Your Helper or Your Slave?
- Godly Husband: You Must be a Lover
- Godly Husband: You Must Be a Protector
- Godly Husband: Do You Do Too Much?
- Godly Husband: Using Your Perspective
- Godly Husband: What Do You Care Most About?
- Godly Husband: How Well Do You Know Your Wife?
- Godly Husband: Are You There?
- Godly Husband: How is Your Thought Life?
- Godly Husband: How Are You Treating “Your” Body
- Godly Husband: Are You Pro-Active?
- Godly Husband: Are You Precise?
- Godly Husband: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?
- Godly Husband: Are You a Provider?
- Godly Husband: Do You Nourish and Cherish Your Wife?
Again, you handled this topic well.
I just had to add that while we were dating, one of my favorite external things about my hubby-to-be’s grooming was that he wore Stetson cologne. He stopped wearing it gradually after the wedding, and finally admitted to getting headaches from the scent! What men do for love. I still go back in time when I uncap that bottle of never-used-up Stetson. However, I do love the soap fresh smell of dh in a clean white T-shirt!
The things we do for love. 😉
Way to go! Too many men use the excuse of being “the leader” to justify ungodly behavior with regard to their treatment of their wives. We need to see more men concerned with the part of God’s command for us to love our wives as Christ loved the Church that says, “…and gave Himself up for her…” I see few men willing to be man enough to go against the grain of the world’s expectations and give themselves up for their wives. On the radio the other morning a well known Baptist said that a good question to ask is, “Would I die for her?” I would argue that is far to theoretical to be of any practical use. Here are a few questions I’d suggest:
“When was the last time my wife and I disagreed about what we wanted to do and did what she wanted instead of what I wanted–with a good attitude!?”
“When we are both dog-tired and one of us has to sacrifice to care for a child or some other thing, which of us does the sacrificing?”
“How often have I offered to do the dishes or vacuum or whatever, so that she could relax?”
“How do I treat her when she wants to talk and I am watching a game?”
“Do I see my wife as an interruption?”
That should do for starters. Now ask yourself one more, “How would she say I score on that?”
–Larry
Excellent questions, Larry!
The wife could ask some of the same of herself…one biggie, is how interested are we in his interests? Do we understand his job and want to be informed enough about it that he wants to share about it with us?
Glad you shared those!
Larry, hope you didn’t mind me breaking out your questions, but they were some good ones. Thanks for sharing.
It’s true, Mary, we do a lot when we are dating that we don’t always keep up when we’re married. I think the answers to Larry’s questions are also different at different times. What I am finding out, however, is that the more that you put into your relationship, the more you get out of it!
Those are great suggestions, but what about the unsaved husband? They do not have any type of guideline and they tend to do as they please and in the process treat their wives like second-class citizens in their home.
I’m actually glad that you spilt this up. I was in a huge hurry when I wrote it.
Mary, thanks for your always welcome insights. You have a wonderful spirit.
28 years of marriage has shown me a few things.
Men need to be men, and women need to be women. The dilution of this order has caused many serious problems in society. That’s to be expected since in general those who make up society are unregenerate. However once we do become new creatures, we need to believe the promises of God and act on that belief. When we do, we see the benefits of godly blessing in marriage and everywhere in life–even in the midst of extreme difficulty and pain.
My personal observation is that women sometimes lead because their husbands won’t. And husbands sometimes follow because they have been taught that to do otherwise is chauvenistic. There is more complexity to it, of course. Fortunately for the Living One it’s easy-peazy lemon-squeezy… so to speak. 🙂
Maybe I’ll post on this…
–Larry
http://blog.eiss.net
http://www.LarryEiss.com
Then you go back to that I Peter 3:1 passage and apply what YOU know is correct. Because after all, we can only change our own behavior and pray about someone elses. I try to apply this passage even with my saved husband because a husband being saved doesn’t always guarantee that they won’t ‘do as they please and treat us like second-class citizens’. Or that we as women won’t do the same. 🙁
Leticia,
That is a very difficult situation. It is completely unreasonable to expect the unregenerate to obey the laws of God that we can obey only because of His Spirit living in us and empowering us.
This is one important reason why our Loving Lord set the boundary of not being unequally yoked with unbelievers.
Yet as Deborah points out above, women in this position are not without instruction.
–Larry
Wow, what a great comment conversation this post has generated!
Larry, your kind compliment made my day! Thank you!
I second Deborah’s recommendation of 1 Peter 3…that is a power passage for all wives, to win their husbands (saved/unsaved) withOUT a word, but by a gentle and quiet spirit. There’s a lot to be gleaned from an in-depth study of that passage.
In my 20 years of marriage, I have determined that I have a responsiblity as a husband to create an environment that nurtures my wife. This means that I often have to die to my own desires and selfish needs to be sensitive to hers.
Before getting this revelation, I used to consider it nagging when my wife would ask me to do something for her. “Can’t she do it herself?” I would think to myself. After all she is a strong, confident, and capable woman. Why does she need me to do things for her?
It took me too long to realize that most of these requests were really her way of asking me to show her that she was important and valuable to me – valuable enough to put her needs ahead of mine.
Alas, many husbands have not yet come to this same epiphany. Hopefully as more husbands take the lead in romance within their marriage, we can begin to turn this tide and get to a day when wives feel totally cherished by their husbands.
Gerry
http://www.byhusbandsforhusbands.com
Hmmm, Mary. Irish Spring. That’s the smell I like on my hubby.
M in the Gap – Good post! A man who honors, loves, cherishes and considers his wife will have a wife who will do anything for him! Thank you!~
Irish Spring is nice, Holly! My dh won’t use anything but Zest though! :biggrin: