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I think that one of the hardest things for a guy to do– no matter who the guy is– is to admit that they are wrong. In fact, I believe that an inordinate amount of time is spent by guys trying to shift blame away from someone else.
To put it simply, we don’t like it when we’re wrong. But how you, Godly Wife, handle when we are wrong can make us admitting it even harder.
It is this principle that I have been thinking deeply about for the past few weeks in regards to some things that are going on in my church. Loving submission requires that we not just accept the position of the one that is the leader, but that we follow it even if we disagree, and if it fails we do not say “I told you so.”
There is a time to point out that a given thing is wrong or that your husband is mistaken, but you must take the time to try to win him, rather than winning the argument or holding over his head the mistake as a claim to superiority.
You see, our families are based on a God-ordained plan. One thing that guys are usually not are transparent. The way that you handle when he is wrong effects him more than you believe– since he loves you and is trying to provide for you. It goes hand in hand with the trust that he places in you.
Tearing down the leadership in your home will have a negative effect on not only your husband, but on your children and yourself.
But it goes further than just what you say and how you say it. How do you think about your husband when he is wrong? Do you allow his failures to let you think about him as evil, stupid, or as someone who just made the wrong decision?
It is paramount that you view him as that dear friend that you married– one that you want to succeed. It’s important that instead of thinking about him as the one that doesn’t make right calls “all the time” as someone that needs your strength and wisdom in certain areas– seasoned with kindness.
Let me emphasize– you must not be building a case against him in your heart and devise strategies to defeat him, but must be looking for ways to pursue love and be nurturing to him.
These things are not conditional to whether he returns your love– they are to be done despite his sins and failures. Godly Wife, you are to be without blame in your reactions to Him so that you may glorify your father in Heaven.
Question Idea taken from Questions for a Godly Wife
- Godly Wife: Is He Your Master?
- Godly Wife: Who Are You Seeking to Please?
- Godly Wife: Are You His Helper or His Obstacle?
- Godly Wife: Does Your Husband’s Heart Trust in You?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Handle When He is Wrong?
- Godly Wife: How do you Handle Disagreements?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Receive Correction?
- Godly Wife: Are You Drawing Him to You with Your Speech?
- Godly Wife: How Does Your Husband Grow?
- Godly Wife: Who Trains the Children?
- Godly Wife: How Do You Make Your Husband Feel?
- Godly Wife: Are You Intimately Available?
- Godly Wife: Do You Speak To Your Husband with Flattering Words?
- Godly Wife: Are You Helping Your Husband to Greater Heights?
- Godly Wife: Are You Keeping Your Wedding Vows?
- Godly Wife: Are You Openly Appreciative of Your Husband?
- Godly Wife: Do You Dominate Your Husband?
- Godly Wife: Have You Cut the Cord?
Praying. That is the only way. God alone is the only one who can touch and change hearts. There is no one on this earth that can do that.
That’s all that I have and that’s all that I need.
I believe you’re right on there, Leticia.
Well Put Min.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Amen! 🙂
Yes, prayer is the only thing that ever changes my husband! And that is a good thing! If her were easily swayed by my arguments, or my discussions, he would go the wrong way far more often. I am wrong far more often than he is. The hardest thing for me is when I see that he is wrong, I tell him, he refuses me, then I pray and he changes, but now here is the hard part…. ready?? NOT SAYING OR EVEN IMPLYING “I TOLD YOU SO”. It is very hard for me to not imply that I was right. I really need to focus on just forgetting that I ever had a right idea in the first place! And be grateful that my husband is a man who seeks the heart of God and who God can influence and change so easily.
This is a great post and one that is VERY important to a marriage.
Mrs. Meg Logan
Prayer is the only tool that changes hearts– that is for sure. We would all be good to do a whole lot more prayer and a whole lot less complaining. One of the great things about prayer too is that you can be yourself openly, that it makes a difference behind the scenes, and it allows for a good attitude to toward the person you may not agree with!
Like Elisabeth Elliot says (paraphrased), “Tell your husband the good, and God the bad”…
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any {of them} are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, (1 Peter 3:1)
Won without a word! Key phrase whether your dh is an unbeliever or not.
Very well said. Kudos to Elisabeth Elliot.
MML