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I think that the first time that I actually realized how much the culture had changed as far as what was normal in dating relationships was when I had conversations with my friend in college who was a Hall Leader (RA) on the girl’s side of campus. She told me of announcements that had been made to the girls about how some of the girls had been taking pictures of themselves in their under-things to send over to the boy’s side of campus, and the effect it had on the boys and on those that developed the film.
It was then that I realized that even on a Christian campus we have lost the concept of keeping oneself pure and covered until marriage. And admittedly, it is difficult when the culture around you seeks to sell everything with sexuality.
And if it’s going on at Christian colleges, you know it’s worse in the world:
“I’ve seen everything from your basic striptease to sexual acts being performed, You name it, they will do it at their home under this perceived anonymity.” – Detective Brian Marvin, a member of the FBI Cyber Crime Task Force of Central Ohio. [Hat Tip: Carla]
There are no magical solutions, and I fear the situation is only going to get worse. You can tell by our entertainment– movies where the happy couple doesn’t get married at the end, but they move in together. We’ve come a long way from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang where “they kissed, now they’ll have to get married.”
The sheer volume makes it so that you practically have to become Amish, remove the television, etc. to avoid the messages that it sends. And this may be what Christians may someday be forced to do.
Clara has some words of advice I think I spot on:
A young woman’s body should be kept to herself, and saved for her husband. End of story. She’s not a product on a shelf with a sign that says “try before you buy” and if she is, it will be to her deep sorrow and regret (and her future husband’s) later in life.
Right on. Our young men have to be taught to guard their eyes and to not lead young women along and our young ladies need to be taught to cover up. Both need to keep purity at the forefront of their minds.
Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?
Men do what they have to to get a woman. Women need to push men to try harder by being upstanding women who only want godly men.
Women so often insult men and men so often objectify women. We really need to realize what a treasure each gender is.
AGs last blog post..Shout to the Lord
@AG: I’m glad it was a woman that make the whole “cow” reference. I mean, I know it’s Biblical (Samson called his wife a heifer), but I wasn’t going to be the one to say it!
All joking aside, I think there’s a lot of work to be done by both sexes.
Feminism has done a lot to tell women that they need to be men in order to have freedom– it’s a lie.
Men have been told it’s fine to look at porn, they have women in underwear selling all sorts of things, and on billboards, and they’re not taught the consequences of desensitizing themselves.
It’s a tragic problem that’s not going to be solved by legislation or some external means, it’s going to take a change of heart on behalf of parents, a radical change in what we deem acceptable entertainment, and a return of the concept of shame.
Again I say — stop buying what they advertise, write letters to the owners of the companies, networks and publishers of the magazines and news papers.
If your children aren’t worth the price of some time and stamps what does that say.
what i think about this is that both male and female sexes today find themselves in a moral crisis. The internet is now a dangerous place to be… I mean from current statistics 98% of web-pages is porn and most of them do not even bother putting a message that accessing it if below 18 of age is unlawful! A big 0 web-pages actually succeed in stopping underage users! Today going to college has been turned equal to going to the wildest “party” ever. It would be very rare to find a student that has not had sex at least once in their campus life. I am not saying there aren’t, but… the truth is that 99% of women in the US come into a marriage already having had sex with another partner aside from their husband-to-be more than once! Talk about the symbolism of the white dress…
For me, the only way this situation can be changed is by “rehabilitating” our youth. And of course the church is the one that rehabilitates. However, as i have addressed in my blog, for that to be possible, Christianity HAS TO REUNITE!! Until the youth is brought back to the church, and i mean the united church because it is much easier to fight agnosticism and atheism when we are together than when we are fighting amongst our selves as well… In my blog I have posted a video of how the Orthodox and the Catholic Church got divided… I don’t know whether to laugh at it or cry…
oooooooo the internet ate my message!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well the idea was that we need unification to face this problem… i will try to adress it in my blog
“Why buy the cow if you get the milk for free?”
I have to actually agree with this statement, but for a different reason. Everyone here assumes these women want to get married, but why would they want to get married when they can have sex and a companion, without all the strings that come attached to marriage. No normal marriage dynamics (husband orders while wife manipulates or nags), if things get rough nothing but their own desires force them to stick it out, and best of all they never take the girls for granted (well some do, but they don’t last as boyfriends very long). Really I have a hard time seeing why most these girls would want to get married except for traditions sake.
@Carol: You’re right. Our kids should be worth all that we can do and all that we can give them. But at the same time we have to weigh whether it makes more sense to try to change the world, or to turn the television off, buy clothes online and don’t subscribe to magazines and newspapers. There is a balance in there, and there’s also a time to be able to teach children how to deal with the media onslaught they will one day embrace. The biggest thing we can do is pray and spread the Gospel. Only a change in heart will truly make an impact.
@Loc: In one sense your logic is inescapable. Obviously we live in a different world from where marriage was practically a necessity for the woman. She didn’t work, she didn’t have an identity, and being a widow meant certain poverty. That isn’t true today. So, why get married?
1. Primarily because it’s the right thing to do.
2. The quality of the relationship: any relationship based on feelings and comfort has no security and therefore is likely to change at any point in time. With no promise comes no security. Women also tend to get attached differently then men, so it’s still in their best interest to seek a partner that will commit– else why would there be all these articles everywhere talking about the guy that doesn’t want to commit and how to get him to make a commitment? Lastly, it is the woman that will usually bear the responsibility if [a] child[ren] come into the mix, and so it’s better to have a person committed to you even when the child comes than one that heads for the door.
3. The children: Studies show that the best environment to raise children is a two parent, monogamous, married couple.
4. Disease: STDs are everywhere, and the more partners you have the more chance you have of spreading disease. This isn’t to say that if you’re living together with a person and are exclusively having sex with that person that you’re at increased risk, this is saying that if you or your partner have been in multiple relationships (instead of one) you’re essentially having sex with everyone that the other person has had sex with before. And now, they’re even discovering that the HPV virus that causes cervical cancer in women is causing throat cancer in 30 and 40 year old men.
So, why would a girl want to get married? Security, attachment, prevention against disease, best environment for her children– multiple reasons. The question that needs to be asked is why would any woman trade these things for having sex with a whole group of people she doesn’t know (her current partner’s sexual partners) and accepting an unstable relationship when she can do better?