It’s the question most asked after the guy doesn’t ask you out on the date or doesn’t call after the date. It’s especially asked when the guy tells you that he just wants to be friends. Willow expresses the opening of her frustration this way (warning use of the f word on the linked site):
Why is it that the nice girls are overlooked, those who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. Why is it that because we don’t give it up on the first date, we don’t want to play mind games, we provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story we’ve heard a thousand time, they cant see it? We understand that we aren’t perfect and that the guys we’re interested in aren’t either. For us girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow we are able to keep alive that hope that maybe… maybe this time he’ll have understood. This is a homage to all the others who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don’t deserve their attention. This is for us girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and [sex] up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for us girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” to “time heals all wounds.” This is to honor us, who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that we deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
In this paragraph alone we see the problem really isn’t “why nice girls are overlooked” but it really is why can’t I get the guy I want. What is the problem here? It can be broken down into 5 things:
1. Young Women have become Young Men.
Part of problem goes back to the feminist movement. For years, since the 60s, the gospel of “free love” has been preached. Sex was something that (contrary to the Bible and moral values of the time) was to be engaged in with any person from whom consent could be attained. Women were encouraged to experiment with sexual freedom– for only when they could have sex without the stigma like they perceived men didn’t have would they be free.
In this day in age, the woman that has sex with the most men is held up to acclaim. They’re the heroes. Just look at the popular shows: Desperate Housewives, Sex in the City, etc. We’re exalting this deviant behavior, and I pity women. They gave up the “princess” for the “[Prostitute]” and think that they are now free. Instead, we have Willow’s problem above.
2. Men are given what they want without having to work for it.
You see, at one day in time there was sacrifice and codes of conduct that was in place for how a man treated a lady. There were payments and arrangements made– he had to have a house, a means to provide, some assurance for her parents– and then he got to marry her, and only then were they allowed to be intimate. (Of course, with those arranged marriages you also didn’t have to worry about not getting the guy or girl, since it was already taken care of, but I digress…)
Even in the days of courting, the man had to do things like ask the father for the woman’s hand, and make some sort of provision. And even in the late 1800s and early 1900s there was at least the understanding by the culture as a whole that sex was only inside marriage.
How does this apply to nice girls and guys? All girls were nice and had high morals. All guys had to wait to get close and kiss or touch nice girls. This restraint evened the field. Now, websites are seriously asking the question of whether someone should have sex on the first date or wait until the next one. They’re discussing the justifications for cheating sexually on one girlfriend with another. They’re talking about how short a time before you should move in together.
3. Nice Girls think that they have to do the same thing.
Nice girls now, to get the guy that they want, think that they have to be like the loose women that he sees in order to get the guy they are crushing on. They look at him, see that he can have all of the “good” parts of marriage without having to form the bond of a relationship and therefore they choose to either allow to have their own treasure plundered and become as empty as the other girls, or to stand at a distance hoping that they guy that they are crushing on will notice the faithful friend by their side.
4. Nice Girls misunderstand Nice Guys.
Nice guys, on the other hand, are generally not the most attractive guys. They’re the guys of principle. They’re the guys that not everyone likes to hang around with, because they are “square” (pardon the old term). These nice guys tend to form good friendships– and you probably view them as only a friend as well– but they probably are wondering about something more.
Nice girls think that nice guys are strange. They miss them in the halls, because they aren’t busy gathering attention to themselves.
5. Nice Girls don’t always want Nice Guys.
Nice girls seem to be stuck on the guys that they can’t have. They want the guy that everyone else has a crush on, and that bad guy only would look at her like a conquest. The problem is, the bad guy is not deep. He’s shallow. And the nice guy is deep, but invisible. Just like the nice girl– the nice guy struggles with the same things. Take it from a guy who is a nice guy and married a nice girl.
Women, stick to your purity. Celebrate your morals. Form good solid friendships and look for men that are more than flashy. Look for one with a solid background, love for the Lord, and that will treat you like the “princess” you are.