by 
When MInTheGap asked me to write a post about abortion he didn’t really know what he was getting into. Course, *I* didn’t really know what *I* was getting into when I decided to accept the invitation. I prayed about what to write. I mean what could I say that hasn’t already been said? What could I say that would make an impact in someone’s life? It hit me while I was chatting with the Lord during supper preparations. “Tell your story” was the answer to the question. A painful, scary answer, but since when is the Lord one to ask me to take the easy road? When I committed my life to Him, I committed my past to Him, and I promised to use my failures and my sins to glorify the Lord. So here, is my story. *disclaimer: this story contains adult content, not for young readers*
It starts in the summer after high school graduation. I recall that it was a wonderful summer, beautiful, sunny, not too hot. But I was in a dark, dark place. At the time I thought I knew the Lord, I told people that Jesus was the only way to heaven and I thought that meant I knew Him. But my life was reflecting something else entirely. The painful truth is, that while I was professing Christ, I was profaning His name with my actions.
This is what happened that summer, and the sin that consumed my whole life. It is also a story of redemption and freedom in Christ. I can’t tell you how many men I committed fornication with. To be honest, the Lord has spared me many memories. I was at the time dating a guy who I had been with for over two years. He was nice and gentle, but I was cruel to him and cheated on him many times over. The month I was to leave for college we decided to call it quits. We dated until my last day at home.
The second week at school, I started to get sick. I was two weeks late. I went to the school nurse, where the law protected me from alerting my parents to my medical health condition. She took a pregnancy test, and sure enough I was pregnant. Boy was I sick! I used drugs like LSD and drank like a fish and I was a serious smoker. I reasoned with myself that all of these things were reasons not to carry this baby to term.
I said to myself “You’re just a freshman!” I said to myself “You can’t take care of this baby!” “Think of how horrible its life would be, you’ll be sparing it!” I reasoned with myself that “You don’t even know for sure who the father is, why bother keeping it alone?” I said “You’ll never be able to take care of this baby.” I also said to myself “Your father will hate you, he’ll never take you back!” and other things to convince myself that an abortion was the only answer. I tried to convince myself that the father was the guy I dated for so long, but in my heart of hearts I knew I had no idea who the father was. I called the guy up though and told him it was his and that I had decided to abort the baby. I talked to people on campus. They all agreed that an abortion was the only answer. I never heard one person suggest to me to give the baby for adoption. I never heard one person tell me there was another way. I’m sure the devil really loved that.
I felt justified.
I went to the “doctor”. They showed me an ultrasound of the baby. I seem to recall that I had to ask to see the image. It was just a tiny dot, no bigger than a seed. I thought to myself, “that doesn’t *look* like a baby! ” And I justified my sin to myself again. I cannot say that I didn’t know better. I cannot claim that I was ignorant of who was growing within me, and what that meant. I cannot even suggest that I was just foolish and young. I knew FULL WELL that what I was doing was wrong. I didn’t care, because I wanted my *freedom*. I wanted *my life*. I wanted my choice. I wanted…
I borrowed money to have the “procedure” . I was so aware that what I was doing was wrong that I couldn’t even do it sober. They offered me “laughing gas”. I accepted. I huffed that gas, till I was high as a kite and the nurse took it away from me. Abortions are painful. It hurt physically. As soon as it was over, I went to the “recovery” room. I sat in a chair, and I held the cross on the chain on my neck and I cried so hard. A woman told me “Oh you’ll get over it hunny. It’s no big deal.” Yeah, what a lie. I’m still not over it. Every year that baby’s birthday comes along and I count one more year that I could have had a child. How old is he now? What would she be like? Every time I become pregnant, I cannot help but think again, on how I could have saved that life. I cannot help but think about one baby who never made it into the world because *I* wanted it my way. And I praise the Lord.
I praise the Lord, because He has washed me clean. I can remember that life, so small. I can remember and thank the Lord, that He has the power and the will to forgive me of such a sin. I have confessed to Him that I am a murderer, and yet He loves me. Jesus forgave me, Jesus cleaned me, and in that way I am “over” it. Because I can rest on His broad shoulders, that carried that cross for me. I can trust in Him. I can be thankful that He has blessed me with a godly husband, and a new life! He has blessed me with new babies. He has shown me how to raise them up to love Him. Jesus has been my good shepherd.
If you are considering an abortion. Let me be the one to tell you that you never get over it. It hurts. Not just physically, but gut wrenchingly. It is the most valuable gift of God outside of forgiveness, don’t throw it away. If you cannot care for a baby, there are many people out there who would love the opportunity to care for them. Yes, there is forgiveness. Please, don’t make the same choice I did. Give of yourself, so that a new life might live. Everything I told myself to justify my sin was a lie. Whatever you are telling yourself it is a lie too. God alone knows the future for that child. God alone knows what kind of life they will have. Let me be the one to tell you that there ARE other options.
If you have had an abortion and the sin is causing you great guilt, please know that there is freedom from sin and guilt in the Lord Jesus Christ, who died on the cross and shed His perfect blood for us, that we might be redeemed and brought into relationship with a perfect and holy God. If you do not know the Lord Jesus, repent of your sins. Tell Him in prayer what you have done against Him and His perfect law. Then ask Him to make you clean and to be the Lord of your heart from now on. Decide right now that you want a new life with Him and be born again. Then go find a pastor who will baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost.
If you have had an abortion and your heart is so hardened by the sin that you no longer feel remorse, I beg you to repent anyway. Ask the Lord to give you a new heart. Ask Jesus to replace that stony heart within you with one of flesh. Repent of your sin and lean on the Lord Jesus who is alone able to forgive us our sins and reconcile us to a forgiving and wholly perfect God.
If you are looking for an adoption agency or someone to support your decision to carry this child to term look here :
In His Loving Embrace,
Mom of 6
- The Truth About Abstinence
- The Ultrasound
- Help Me! I Don’t Have a Choice!
- What if You Knew Your Baby Would Die?
- All a Matter of Timing
- Plan B: Is it Safe?
- The Pain of Abortion: Sin and Forgiveness
God Bless you for this testimony. And God be Praised for His mercy and Grace for you.
Not everybody is courageous enough to show his life like you are, Meg. I admire you for that.
:blush:
Long ago and far away I was convicted of transparency in life, in good times and bad. My whole life is His, good bad and foolish. All for His glory!
Thanks for reading.
Mrs. Meg Logan
Thankyou for sharing your story. I hate to bring it up after such and emotional story, but it has been bugging me for a very long time. Where in the Bible does it say that abortin is wrong? The only verse I have found even semi relating to abortion is Exodus 21:22 “If men who are brawling hurt a pregnant woman and she suffers a miscarriage, but no farther harm is done the person responsible will pay compensation.” This would seem to justify that abortion is wrong, if not for that later and earlier they were calling for an eye for and eye. Which if taken into account seems to say an unborn childs life should not be considered a life, but something worth a cash payment. Am I wrong in what I’ve read, have I missed something?
I think, Loc, that it’s a principle more than a specific reference. Yes, the passage that you mentioned is one place, but the current pro-life stance has more to do with passages in Psalm 93 and Jeremiah where the writers talk about God forming the person in the womb. The logic goes like this:
If God is the Creator and Taker of Life and He creates it in the womb, and if life is not taken by Him, but by another, it is murder.
You see, it matters not where life is, but that it is life. Does that make sense?
Hmmm…but does not the passage I refrenced insinuate that God does not think fetus in the womb is a life? If he had thought is was one, he would have demanded the man be killed for murder.
I can certainly see where you could get that from that particular passage, but it’s important to remember the time in which the item was set and the character of the law as a whole.
For example, there is nothing inherently wrong in eating pigs– it was prohibited in the law, but was acceptable in the New Testament (in a revelation to Peter). Also, there’s no problem mixing types of garments, but some laws had specific reasons for them being in place at the time.
The mosaic law was something that was put into place for administrative reasons as well as practical reasons on the ground at the time. One could say that since people could not see the baby, it was hard to categorize it as a baby.
Certainly, it would have been clearer if the punishment was death for murder, but keep this also in mind. Even the fine that was to be enacted meant that the baby was something even inside the womb. It was worth something. If the baby was nothing but an extra piece of tissue, why have any compensation.
And think about the differences between two men that are brawling and they hurt a pregnant woman such that it causes a miscarriage (not the intent) and a doctor going in with a metal rod, a vacuum cleaner, and other utensils for the expressed purpose of killing the baby. There’s intent there.
😉 since 1984 I have helped thousands of men and women and families overome the hurts of abortion, rape, incest and abuse. Jesus is the only true healer and HIS forgiveness is complete. HIS BLooD sets the captive free.
Meg, thank you for your testimonial.
I invite you to share it and others to follow suit:
Share your testimonial on http://freemetolive.com/mystory/
thanks
ken
Hi Meg,
Thank you for sharing your story. I know that takes a lot of courage to do. I have never had an abortion but do have a passion for helping the unborn. My mother had me when she was just barely 15 and I know I was spared. I also had a friend in high school who was basically forced by her father to have one – her life was never the same, and not in a good way. I hope that your message reaches those that need to hear it. I also want to encourage you to volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. One that I know of is Alpha Pregnancy Center, but I know there are many across the states. Going in as a counselor or volunteering to speak to young adults about abstinence will serve others and probably yourself as well. I used to volunteer at my local Alpha organizing their baby boutique and going through donations. Thanks for sharing.
I took the classes to help my local CareNet pregnancy center, but as you can imagine, positions for men are limited. I won’t go into the details of why I’m not there today, but I do remember that the person that I thought that had the biggest impact on me and that I thought would have the biggest impact on others was one girl that had had an abortion.
God can take those things that we have had happen to us and turn them into something that we can use.
Mrs. Meg – thank you for sharing your darkness and then your salvation. What a brutal and lovely testimony. Nothing else I want to say is coming out correctly, right now, but I just thought and thought about your story all day. How no one ever offered a different option for you…wondering if you believe you’ll see your baby, again…if you were scared to be pregnant after you married…basically, I wanted to give you a big ol’ hug. 🙂
Jami,
Thank you for your response. After I married, I was not afraid to be pregnant, but once I became pregnant it was a bit rough. The Lord has ways of healing even the most broken hearts, and His gift of another child really healed mine. My first son was an answer to prayer. I prayed that the Lord would create a blood covenant between my husband and myself, as I had ruined that part of me. The Lord answered with our son, who was born nine months and two days (of labor!) after our wedding night. He is my blood covenant, and he brought healing to my heart.
As for seeing my unborn baby again, I hope so. I have done some research Biblically, but can find no satisfactory answer about where unborn children go. There are many verses that talk about how we are born in iniquity, and are sinful from birth and how we have carried the sin of Adam right from the very start. That does not give me much hope. I fear I may have sentenced my child to eternity in hell, by not ever giving him a chance to know the Lord, but I also trust that God is sovereign and mighty and just. In Him, if there is a way, He will provide it. I try not to worry, and to just do the best that I can with the help of the Lord with my other children. Perhaps the Lord spares unborn kids. Perhaps He doesn’t, but “though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”.
Thank you for reading. Please don’t be worried for me. The Lord is the most amazing surgeon and healer. He reaches right into those dark painful places, and rips them out, then He stitches you all back up, better than new! There is freedom and security in Him alone, and I have found my eternal joy! Praise the Lord He is so wonderful as to touch us in this way if we but turn to Him and ask Him to.
Mrs. Meg Logan