Believe it or not, not all couples got married because they sampled a variety of girls out there and “found true love.” In fact, for centuries marriages were arranged while the couple was both children. In some cases marriages were arranged around country’s treaties or the exchange of cattle.
The concept of dating and marrying for love is something that’s new, and that’s done a great damage to our culture because it’s put too much emphasis on a feeling and not enough on a commitment.
And yet, even though this is the case, I did enter the dating scene in my senior year of high school. And boy was that a mistake. I skipped a large family reunion because I wanted to be at summer music camp a weekend when the girl that I had been dating could make it. She didn’t make it and I missed the opportunity of a life time.
The problem of dating is that it focuses you intently on feelings. The presence of them can mean that you’re “meant for each other” or it could be that you got a bad case of the flu.
Seriously! I was dating this one girl before my wife and I was sure she was “the one”1, and I almost proposed to her—but literally, every day that we were together I started off the morning throwing up. Every morning. Whether I ate something immediately or not.
I have high respect for those that pursue courtship. My cousin was going the courtship route. He lives in a remote part of a southern state, though, and was having a lot of trouble finding any eligible maidens, especially as he got older. And therein lies a problem with courtship—I’m not sure how practical it is until it gains wide acceptance, or is practiced in a large area.
So, he resorted to an online dating site. I’m pretty sure he did more than one before using eHarmony to find a match (he married his current wife this past February).
But are social singles clubs online or in person effective?
The Need To Interact
I’m not sure how you learn about the opposite sex without being around them. I’m also not sure how you meet people and find what you do or do not like without spending time with them. I mean, if I did a Great Expectations Review, I would say that they have a great idea when it comes to having getaways where you could actually get to know people outside of their comfort zone.
But I would have to say that there would be certain limitations to prevent temptation, because that’s always present in dating scenarios.
I Met My Wife Online
Me? I met my wife on a random chat on AOL Instant Messenger. We chatted for a little while, she said that she was stood up by a guy online and I told her I wouldn’t stand her up. I talked to her mom to convince her I wasn’t a stalker, and we met halfway between her house and my house at a mall2.
She moved down near me to go to college, and the rest is history.
However, I think that if I had to pick what I think would be most God-honoring, and would be the best experience, I would have to say that I’d prefer my kids go the courtship route, if possible. I think the idea of being able to be focused on God during the teen and young adult years is a tremendous positive. As long as they’re in groups, they’ll learn about the opposite sex.
Of course, if that didn’t work, there’s always the rule my Computer Science 1 Professor had for his kids. Until they were serious about a girl they couldn’t date the same girl twice. Of course this is the same professor that said that his idea of courtship was to find a girl, knock her over the head with a club, drag her to the alter by her hair, and learn to love her later. So, I’m not entirely sure I should take his advice.
- Not to be confused with “That One”, Sen. Barak Obama.
- A meeting that almost wasn’t, as I got there late after trying to find a bathroom! She almost left!