Saying No to the Hookup Culture

The feminist movement has convinced women that in order to be equal with their male counterparts they must cast aside morality for the sake of pleasure.  This has led to secular colleges across the country becoming hotbeds for casual sexual relations as well as underage drinking.

However, some young men and women are saying no.

Different But Equal

At the heart of the problem is the idea that women have been fed that in order to be equal you must feel and do all the things that the other sex does.  If men are cheap, petty, and choose to be physically intimate without forming a relationship, women should be able to do it too, right?

The problem is that, in many ways, women are different than men.  Whereas a man’s interest in physical coupling usually is an attempt for physical pleasure, women have seen it as a means of identity:

Casual hook ups fueled by alcohol may be the norm across college campuses, but Boyle, now a 21-year-old junior at the school, chose to stop. Her reasons to quit hooking up echo the emotional devastation of many college students, particularly girls whose hearts are broken by the hook-up scene.

“I saw it [hooking up] as a way to be recognized and get satisfaction,” said Boyle, shaking her blond ponytail. “I felt so empty then.”  [CNN – No hooking up, no sex for some coeds]

Men have no excuse.  They should not be promiscuous either.  They should not see sex as the end goal, but part of a committed relationship.

But women have always seen intimacy differently.  They are wired emotionally, and as such, sex to them is usually more about who they are with than what they are doing.

The Backlash

The young lady mentioned above is not alone.  Wendy Shalit, in her book Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to Be Good interviews many different young women across the nation that have decided that they do not need to be men—that they can find happiness and contentment in being women.

And that is truly where the power is.

You see, the media and those in power in the culture want you to believe that there is power in being immodest—there is power in showing everything to everyone and giving away yourself to anyone that would have you.  The truth is the opposite.  There is power in keeping what’s unique safe.

The truth is that there is much to be learned from chivalry.

Chivalry—a Lost Art

A man used to have to work for the heart of the woman he loved.  All the way back to Jacob—when he saw Rebekah and Laban made him work to earn her hand in marriage—to the age of chivalry a woman’s hand and heart were not something that was freely given.

We always get the impression that the Victorian era was hard on women—with no rights to vote and being defined by her husband.  And there was much an opportunity for abuse as there is now.

The thing was that at one point in time a man had to work to get the girl.  The woman had power to civilize the male.  Now, the woman has been told that she is his equal and that there’s power in attention.  Except that attention fades, and the man will move on to the next pretty face.

Power in Covering Up

Which leaves me with this final article—which has been on my mind since the day I read it.  In For Your Eyes Only, the author shares the following story:

I spent this past Shabbat with two friends at the home of a young, newly-married Chassidic couple. After Rivky (our cute, talkative financial advisor from New York who doubles as our friend and confidante) invited me to her home, she said, “By the way, I have to warn you. My husband does not look at or talk to women. But he loves having guests.” I was startled. I know that Orthodox men are careful not to gaze at immodestly dressed women, or to stare in an inappropriate manner at any woman.  I had even heard of this added stringency to which men from some Chassidic sects of orthodoxy adhere, to not look at women besides their wives.  But what startled me was how Rivky seemed to beam with pride as she said this. “He is really into guarding his eyes,” she continued, her own eyes twinkling.

This man made a covenant with his eyes—much like Job did—and the beneficiary was his wife.  That woman knew that she was special to her husband, that she was cherished and had a treasure.

There’s power in covering up.  There’s power in holding back.  There’s power in going without—much more than we’re told, and we are being cheated of this power by people looking to take advantage of others.