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One of the things that’s true about all sin, but especially physical sin, is that it has a definite progression and if you can stop it when it’s manageable the odds are that you can still remain objective about it.
Having decided that you will remain pure, and declared it up front you’ve taken some good first steps1 but that doesn’t guarantee you won’t be tested and that you or the person your with won’t want to compromise your decision.
Are You Ready for the Test?
Here is where you will be tested about your decision and whether you really mean it. Why do I say this? Because a person who has a serious commitment to someone or something will voluntarily deny themselves something for the greater good.
For example, when a couple first has children, they deny themselves a full night’s sleep to take care of their baby. They deny themselves the freedom to do anything they choose.
There are some things a couple can do that they will have to choose not to do in order to remain pure. First, there’s the obvious. In order to remain sexually pure the couple will have to avoid having sex. But it doesn’t stop there.
It’s Electric
You see, every physical touch between a couple is electric the first time. The first time that you hold her hand, it will be like Heaven. The first time he hugs you and holds you you will never want him to let go. The first time that you kiss you will want to melt into each other.
And if you let these things build you will find that you want that next exciting moment—and we all know where that leads. There is a line on this progression that it’s wrong to cross. There is a line that you know would make you impure. It’s different for every person. Some believe that they should save their first kiss. Some believe everything’s ok except for intercourse.
The Point of No Return
The point of this article, however, is that if you simply draw the line at what you consider will make you impure, you’ll easily get there and then when your emotions are going at full steam you’ll want more.
If you’re serious about remaining pure, you will draw the line of physical contact much further from what would make you impure than the act itself. You will also make sure that if you get there, or cross that that you take time away from each other to evaluate what happened.
It may mean that you slipped, and that you can apologize and move forward. It may mean that the other person doesn’t agree or respect your boundaries, and you may need to take some other precautions.
In either case, a clear boundary, away from the Point of No Return, will help you to remain pure.
- If you’re new to this, check out the previous posts in the series using the index below. [↩]
I have told my girls that once they have drawn their line, if the guy doesn’t respect it or tries to change them, then it’s time to send him to the curb.
One issue I’m struggling with is a couple of the girls in my group have already gone all the way (some as young as 14!!!) and really don’t see a need to retain a purity conviction since everything’s already been done. Maybe your next series could be on regaining biblical purity after a slip-up?
(Are you getting tired of us suggesting what to write?? We can’t help it – this is a very relevant and widespread topic!)
Rachels last blog post..The Importance of a God-Fearing Leader
@Rachel: I think your first sentence is definitely a hard nut to crack. In my experience girls are more easily attached emotionally and they also believe that they can be powerful reformers. They’re wrong, but that’s why emotional purity is so important.
Guys need to be told that they have to declare their intentions, and girls are not to commit anything until the intentions are known.
I don’t want you to think that guys can’t get attached. I was very emotionally attached to one girl before I met my wife. Man, that breakup hurt. But I think it takes longer for that emotional attachment to happen.
As for the 14 year olds that have already been intimate, they have it doubly hard. First, now that they’ve “tasted” they will have a harder time resisting. They’ve also now got the dilemma that you mentioned, “why do I have to be pure, I’ve already botched being pure.”
I must say that these topics are definitely lending themselves to spin-offs. After I write my sermons maybe I can take up your topics.
No, I don’t tire of your suggestions. It’s great to have discussion, and if I can help in any way I’m glad.