May 18, 2024

Carnival of Modesty – February 8, 2008

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Welcome to the Carnival of Modesty– Long overdue for the month. Winter is a hard time to find good articles on Modesty– for the simple reason that it’s not usually the time of year where men and women like to show off skin! That being the case, there are still people that do it, and you cannot avoid immodestly dressed people in the malls and indoor shopping areas.

So, I sat down (virtually) with a bunch of different people on the topic, and here’s what they came up with:

Why should girls dress like girls?” I asked.

“It’s Biblical,” Rebecca answered. “You see, MIn, I encourage young ladies to experiment in developing their own style, and to take care to maintain their God-given gender identity. In other words, make sure that it is obvious they are female.”

“But is it really that difficult to look like a girl?”

“Yes it, is,” replied Natasha, “Every day I get up and wonder about what I should wear. You see, I like to wear skirts. I feel personally convicted that skirts are more modest than pants. And yet most of the people around me wear jeans and even ladies in my church don’t really wear skirts.”

“My wife and I have shopped around, there really isn’t a lot out there in terms of modest clothes, is there?”

Mama Archer, dying to get a word in, pipes up, “That’s where you’re wrong, Min. There’s a lot of places that have Modest Clothing For Girls. Why just the other day–”

“I found some when I was Christmas shopping this past year!” Emily interrupted.

“And I wrote a list about the ‘tremor of modesty and restraint‘,” added Liz, “Of both places to find them and other related articles.

“Sounds like you should have hosted this carnival, Liz.”

“And I’d like to add that I have something over at girl talk that might help,” replied Nicole, “in our girl talk: Modesty section. But somehow I don’t think you’d look good in a dress, MIn.

prom “When was the last time you tried to find a formal gown at the mall? I’ve got some great links for formal gowns on my post about being modest in an immodest world,” shouts someone from the back.

“So, Anna, what do you think is the most important thing about modesty?”

“You see, MIn,” Anna replied, “Modesty isn’t about hiding forever in the shadow of plainness. On the contrary: modesty allows to uncover the real you, with your special, unique beauty. You aren’t your body. You aren’t giggles and flirting. You are a sweet woman, cherished woman, with a beautiful heart, mind and soul. Simply put, Modesty is true beauty uncovered.”

“What I find interesting is that there are people actually standing up for modesty– like Southwest Airlines,” Veiled Glory added.

“But I didn’t even ask you a question!”

“You did say Anna, didn’t you?”

“Yes, Anna, but for every Southwest Airlines, there’s a Victoria’s Secrets,” groans Karen.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, VS is not just targeting women now, but the teenagers. They want to get these young girls thinking about sexy they are, and what effect it will have on boys.”

“Speaking of that, guys really need to know about the power they have over how girls dress.”

“What do you mean, Emily?”

“Well, if I could give a word to they guys, I’d tell them that what they desire is what girls desire to become. Many Christian guys seem to be looking for this perfect Malibu-Barbie-cross-Proverbs-31-type girl, who has perfect hair and eyes and teeth, who is thin but curvy, and who is also an ace at theology, serving, cooking, and just generally the epitome of godliness. Men, please hear me on this: this type of woman does not exist!”

“Wow, I bet a lot of guys really miss this point!”

“Yes, guys need to realize that what you desire as the ‘ultimate perfection’ of a woman is what we as women will tend to desire to become, because we want to be desired by you (well, one of you – so much so that you pursue us and ask us to marry you).

“That takes the whole concept to a new level. Up until this point we’ve talked about the girl’s responsibility, but what you’re saying is that if guys would desire the right things, girls would meet that standard.”

BlondeInPink“The hardest part, is finding a modest standard,” Rowena. “Each person has their own ideas as to what is modest, but it’s in our best interest to find a workable standard. Even then, he availability of clothes that fit this standard are well, not plenteous. For example, hipster jeans are pretty much the only cut you can get without going to the extreme of high-waisted jeans (that look terrible on everyone except for Mischa Barton) or going to an auntie shop and buying waist cut jeans that make your butt look twice the size it really is. In the shops nowadays, it’s hard to buy stuff without looking frumpy, preggers, fat or shabby. Some of the stuff you look at and just think – not in a million years! But I reckon it can be done – you just need to put the effort in.”

“I know what you’re saying, Rowena.”

“Modesty is for both men and women, but in different ways,” adds Heather. “For women it’s all about dress, but for men, they need to realize that we are wired to desire emotional intimacy (it’s just as strong as your desire for physical intimacy) and when you treat a girl special, set her apart, flirt with her, invest your heart into her life, take her out for coffee, have her met your parents: she will begin to be turned on emotionally. Knowing that girls may have a tendency to read into your actions, be very wise in how you treat your girl friends. Be emotional modest in your actions!”

“We also need to be careful that we don’t come across as boastful when we are modest,” chimed Natasha.

“I just wonder who it is that is supposed to define what is modest,” Mollie adds. “I mean, following the BJU handbook or the Rebelution Survey is ok, but is that the last word?”

Artists Chair “Right. I mean, some would say that pants are immodest, but I have known women who were most assuredly feminine and very modest in a pair of loose (almost flowing) pants. The woman that comes to mind was one of the most modest and feminine women I know. And then I’ve know many women who seemed to be dressed modestly from head to toe, but their demeanor was not modest,” Stacy remarked.

“So, if it’s not whether a woman wears pants, what is it?”

“It really is all about your heart, and what it’s showing to the world. We’re walking billboards, you know. I was in a department store recently with my children, I noticed a mother shopping with her teenaged daughter. The daughter’s attire made my heart sink. It was not the typical, tight, low-slung blue jeans she wore, nor the clingy t-shirt that revealed her midriff that made me shake my head, although they were noticeable enough. What grieved me most were the ironic words emblazoned across her chest: ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ I wanted to tell her, but I refrained.”

“So, if that young lady walked up to you, Mary, and asked you why someone should be modest, what would you say?”

“I’d have to echo the words of Miss Fountain City, AL:”

Your bodies are your own and they don’t have to be on display for you to be attractive, smart and fashionable. We live in a Britney Spears world but looking at her life today, she hasn’t gotten very far with her fashions or her principles.

“Modesty really is power,” Nicole adds, “Modesty is a delicate yet formidable power that God has given women!”

“Well, that about wraps up this carnival. Thank you ladies for dropping by and letting me know what you think. You’ve certainly given me a lot to think through. Until next time, MInTheGap signing off…”

Though some of the replies are quotes taken directly from the articles, there is a bit of fiction included in this carnival. Follow the links to make sure I kept true to the nature of the comments! 🙂

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13 thoughts on “Carnival of Modesty – February 8, 2008

  1. Your website makes fascinating reading. I’m the father of a 17 year old daughter, so I’ve had to form some views on the subject. It always seemed to me that women look more DIGNIFIED when they dress in a womanly way. Of course it’s not for men to tell women how to dress, but then I’ve heard female fashion designers complaining about mens’ lack of dress sense, then they come up with some shocking ideas for women and girls, like wearing trousers instead of skirts, which do not flatter some female figures, and it’s as if they think being female is not as good as being male -which is not true. The two genders are different, but each can have complete respect for what they are. Why imitate the other gender?

  2. Thanks Andrew. Have you seen much of the site?

    One of the things that I’m becoming more aware of now that I have a (young) daughter is that I’m going to have to take care about how to guide her in knowing what’s modest and appropriate. It’s a big task.

  3. This was a great discussion. I appreciate reading what other moms and dads have to say about modesty.

    I’m mom to two girls ( 6 and 8 ) and I’ve noticed that my daughters seem to have a natural sense of modesty. I don’t know if it’s really natural or something we’ve taught them (or both.) They get upset if they try on something that shows too much skin (say a top with a lower neckline) and seem very uncomfortable with it. Trust me, I’m thrilled and encourage it. At the same time, they want to dress like little girls (because they ARE little girls.) Someone commented that it’s easy to find modest clothing and I have to disagree somewhat.

    To find appropriate clothing for my girls I have to go beyond the malls and “box” stores. Wal Mart and Target fit our budget, but not when they carry pants and skirts with words emblazoned across the backside. Try to find a nice, modest dress in this age range and it has me longing for their toddler years. They look more suitable for a 20 something out on the town. It’s not that they don’t carry more appropriate clothing, but the choices are few.

    My daughters are like a lot of girls their age. They want to dress like little girls but still be able to run, climb and play. Add to that the fact that I live in Southern California where it’s warm most of the year, and sometimes it’s really hot out. I’ve had to shop online more than I’d like to find clothing. The problem (besides price) is that the older they get, the more they need to try things on.

    I’m sorry to go on. I guess you touched a nerve (and thank you for it because it’s important.) Don’t even get me started on shoes! LOL!

    Christine’s last blog post..Not Found on eBay

  4. I fixed the years in your previous post. Did you see that you can edit a post that you’ve made previously by clicking on it? You should be able to edit a post for up to 30 minutes on this site…

    It’s hard to find modest clothes– unless you go online. I think that’s what the ladies were saying on their sites. The biggest problem I have with online stores is that it’s hard to try something on before you buy. You usually have to pay shipping at least one way.

    As far as shoes, it’s funny you should mention that. We were looking at a house today (we’re in the process of trying to find a place in the area to move to) and my wife’s boots (which have at least a 2 inch heel) were easier to get on than mine when we went to check the garage. After not breaking my neck coming down the stairs I said to my wife and the realtor, “Why do you girls do this to yourselves!?” I find it amazing what women have to do or choose to do in the name of looking good.

  5. I’m glad I found out who you really are, Natasha.  It was hard to figure out who wrote what at your blog.  So, “Bonnie” is now “Natasha” above.  There were actually two posts that were included from Something Greater– you guys, I mean girls, have a great blog there!

  6. Thanks for the compliment, Mary. It definitely took a whole lot longer to go through and come up with a conversation where it seemed like everyone was saying something instead of just pasting the links. I think it took like an hour to put this thing together!


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