by I’m in the middle of reading Bob Just’s article “Son of divorce“. It really is a must read for my generation.
I can remember as a child when my grandparents left and came back from being in the south for the winter. I would spend all summer bonding with them, only for them to leave. When they would return, I would wonder if they were the same as when they left. I can remember one occasion where I actually hid when they returned, instead of running out to meet them. I saw it yesterday in my children too, when their aunt who they haven’t seen in a little while, came to watch them. My oldest hid.
I can’t imagine what it is like to be constantly pulled to take sides in a selfish battle between parents. I never had to pick a side. Not that my parents never disagreed, but it was usually out of my sight, or I saw them reconcile.
However, my in-laws are in constant turmoil, and I find that her kids– my wife and her sister– are always expected to take sides against her new husband. Not that I think that either of them are guiltless, but this is something that, to some extent, is totally foreign to me.
I think it’s instructive what Bob Just says in this article– marriage is about me giving love to someone, not about being happy. Sadly, too many people are basing relationships and marriages on only that– my happiness. Now we have a generation of children that are not as resilient as they thought, do not realize what marriage is all about, and place no value on it. Just look at the number of:
- couples cohabitating
- unwed pregnancies
- divorces
- second divorces
This is a serious problem. There are a lot of broken people out there that need to be pointed beyond this life to realize something greater. Just look at the marriages that last 60 years, but the couple took a
week to meet and get married. The secret is the commitment that leads to mutual love, which leads to strong families and well mannered children!
Maybe there is something to the courtship group’s idea that dating is just practicing divorce. Maybe we are helping to train our children to look for happiness instead of love and commitment. In any case, there’s a lot of prayer and soul searching we should be doing in searching for that someone and after we’ve found
them to know what the true meaning of marriage is.
Interesting point you made here MIn- “dating is just practicing divorce.” Never thought about it that way.
I’ve heard a preaching once talk of the difference between happiness and joy. He explained it as happiness as receiving pleasure from “happenings” while joy is a state of mind (and for the Christian, it is joy of the Lord)- therefore we can have joy even in hardship.
Commitment is the key (as you pointed out). Good post!
gm Min, I can fully relate. My marriage has lasted longer than my parents. I know too well the power struggle and pitting against one another using the children as a pawn. It was a very painful time in my life. My wife and I only knew each other for little over a month and we will be married 15 yrs come May. Great post. Hove you have a blessed day.:)