March 30, 2023

Is Dating The Breeding Ground for Fornication?

Lori Alexander has done it again, asking a provocative question to get us thinking. Sometimes I think she chooses her titles based on shock value alone!

In any case, today she asks her readers to consider whether Dating is the Breeding Ground for Fornication.

A good way to get to know someone, or one step away from fornication?

From her article:

Modern dating is simply another name for sexual immorality and has damaged the institution of marriage which requires faithfulness and commitment. It leads to divorce and devastation instead. There’s an article written by a man who is not a believer and he states that dating is a failure and doesn’t work to find a life partner. (I will not link to it because of the bad language in it.) He believes the only good part about dating is that it “excels in finding short-term sexual partners.” On every date, the women give him sex by the first to third date. Yes, he enjoys it for the short term but thinks about how many other guys she has had sex with then realizes that she isn’t marriage material. He would rather remain single than marry a woman who has been sexually promiscuous with many men.

Lori Alexander – The Transformed Wife

And here’s the problem with this kind of advice: It depends.

In her example, the person that sparked her to write her post came from a non-Christian background (he obviously had no issue being sexually promiscuous himself) and was seeking out “dates” as conquests.

In reminds me of the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” crowd of a decade or so ago, where the writer of the book had everyone convinced that courtship was the only way. Except he’s since he’s says he’s sorry for that book. Which is also a problem.

Cookie Cutter Advice

You see, everyone’s looking for an easy way to figure out hard problems. We’ve been convinced that we’re just a 5 minute workout montage from losing a bunch of weight and winning a marathon. We’ll get the guy if only we can find the right person to give us a makeover, or we’ll make the winning touch down by sheer determination and a timely change in the direction of the wind.

The media has lied to us: There are no easy answers to life’s toughest issues– only prayer and hard work.

So whether you want to read Lori Alexander, Josh Harris, your favorite blogger (you were thinking me, right?), or listen to that podcast, what you’ll find is something that may have worked for them, or sounds good in theory, but is far from universal.

Or maybe you’ll just cook some good food!

For some people, dating will be the breeding ground for fornication and the practice for divorce that you’re warned about. It’s easy for it fall that way– just as easy as it is for it to be a good place to find out about the likes and dislikes of the other person, to learn how to be around the opposite sex, and have some fun.

The truth is, what’s important is that you, personally, have core principles and know what God says about how you are to behave. You need to be in prayer, and you need to be aware of the dangers, but sticking out a position on the extremes is great for getting social media eyeballs and getting the conversation started, but not so good to base your life upon.

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