by 
JillBeth over at The Broken Cup had Five Ways to Keep your Church from Growing, to which I wish to add five more.
6. Make sure that you don’t spend any time on keeping up your church, after all, we all have things to do and we’re only in the building once a week. Someone else will go to the church workday, right?
7. Have the children’s ministries for Sunday School scattered all around the premises. Parents like playing hide-and-seek and so they’ll love not knowing where there children are.
8. Sing only songs that your visitors have never heard of and that are modern. After all, it’s all about the people that are there, isn’t it?
9. Never follow up and call someone that visits– after all, if they liked the service, they’ll be back.
10. Never pray for an increase. God knows your needs and will supply, so just sit back and do the same thing every week and don’t ask.
#8~I was just thinking this today during our song service. We sang two new ones and they weren’t ones that just “spoke to me”…I felt kind of cheated. Now I won’t tell our worship team that, I know they’re just trying to introduce some new favorites, but give me the beloved favorites every time! We did sing Just As I Am at the end, which was a first. Took me back to my childhood and the altar calls at my grandparent’s Baptist church…I still knew every verse!
All the songs except for one were brand new and I just couldn’t get it into them, like I do with the old ones. But, we got a grow.
11. Make sure you are louder than anyone else while praying or speaking in tongues, after all you are more experienced then all the newcomers.
Leticia! That is hilarious! Good one…
Thanks! *smiles sheeplishly*
Leticia, I think that should be number 1 (in that it first occured in the Church in Corinth!)