Lila’s best friend is getting married—and she’s the maid of honor. She’s single, and has longed to find the perfect man, and has a revelation during the wedding ceremony that most couples want to forget as well—that marriage is for better or worse.
Books Tend To Focus on the Better
- How to keep your love strong.
- How to meet each other’s needs.
- 10 Tips for keeping the spark alive.
Who focuses on what to do when things go from good to bad to worse?
There is one “worse” that couples will (most times) make it through intact—illness. Many times a couple will form a stronger bond during an illness, especially at end of life.
It is during this time that society and the culture will put positive pressure on you to stay with your ill spouse because to do otherwise will make you seem like a cad.
Other Trying Times
But if it’s time of emotional neglect, cheating, or just multiple disagreements (many little fires) that add up to a genuine dislike, our culture just tells you to get out. There’s no pressure anymore to stay in a relationship with a person “you do not love.” Though there are many books that talk about how to stay in love, and some to help you recapture the love, the society basically tells you to take “the easy way out”.
You’ve practiced “the easy way out” if you’ve dated—in that you’ve learned how to hurt a person deeply by calling a relationship off—this is just a harder one.
It’s true, there are some things in place that make divorce a pain—credit reports, child custody, spousal support, etc.—but these don’t compare to the societal pressure that could be placed on them.
A Simpler Time
I’m not saying a woman needs to be a slave or a servant and that she shouldn’t learn to read, etc. Just let me get that out there.
Back in the simpler day, each person in the relationship had a task to do, and they worked at perfecting it. The couple came together because they truly needed each other. The woman needed the man to provide the income, to get the food, to bring in the supplies. The man needed the woman to raise the kids, to take care of him and his house, and to support him. The roles were complimentary.
Today there are usually two in the family that are attempting to perform the same functions. They both work. They both man the house. They both enjoy intimacy. They’ve outsourced the child care duties to someone else.
And then we wonder why these two people, who are in essence performing the male role, have trouble coexisting so they decide to leave.
I’m pretty sure that we can’t go back to that time, but we need to learn from that time if we ever hope to have strong marriages that can last through the “worse” part.