Margo and I have different opinions when it comes to people, their homes, their values, and what people do or don’t have. Take, for instance, this question and reply:
DEAR MARGO: My husband and I have been together for 19 years. We have had normal problems over the years, but now there’s one we can’t seem to work through. He is a self-employed contractor. One of his employees is gay. I do not approve of this lifestyle. I have told my husband I would prefer he not bring this man to our home because the man makes very inappropriate remarks directed toward me and our children. He also talks openly about his relationship with his partner while our children are present. The kids have made comments that this bothers them. I questioned my husband about why he allows this behavior from an employee, and the conversation became quite heated. He says I am wrong in demanding that this man not be allowed in our home just because of his lifestyle. It is not just his lifestyle; it is the disrespectful manner in which he conducts himself around me and our children. I have learned over the years to choose my battles very carefully, and this is one battle I am not backing down from. Am I wrong to take such an unyielding stance on this issue?
— OLD IRONSIDES
Before we get into what Margo replied with, let’s sum up the facts, shall we?
- Her husband has a gay employee.
- She doesn’t approve of the lifestyle.
- The employee makes inappropriate remarks toward her and her children.
- Her children are uncomfortable in his presence.
- She’s concerned, not just with the lifestyle, but also with his lack of respect.
So, one would expect that the advice would be something along the lines of seeking out assistance in expressing the problem to her husband, or that her husband was trying to force her to be comfortable when she is uncomfortable, right?
DEAR OLD: I’d be willing to bet you are homophobic, though you would probably reject that. I think, in this day and age, it is disgraceful to wish to bar someone from your home because he or she is gay. (It would be illegal if you ran a business or a public establishment.) As for conversation you find inappropriate and disrespectful, as your husband’s wife and the children’s mother, you certainly may request that certain subjects be out of bounds. Your negative feelings, however, may be causing you to be hypercritical. That you say your children are bothered by this man’s conversation suggests you have managed to communicate your anti-gay bias to them. So yes, in this instance, I think you are wrong and have chosen an unfortunate issue over which to draw a line in the sand.
— MARGO, INTUITIVELY
Well, at least she doesn’t hide her biases. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to bash gay people, my position on homosexuality is clear. It’s a sin– just like a lot of other sexual and non-sexual sins. However, I think Margo crosses the line when she says that it’s not appropriate for this wife to ask her husband to refrain from bringing this employee into their home.
If I didn’t want a gambler in the house? If I didn’t want a stripper in the house? If I didn’t want a thief in my house– would I still be wrong? And how about if I asked them not to talk about gambling, stripping, etc. in my house and they still did it?
I’m sorry that Margo is so clouded by her desire to promote the equality of homosexuality with heterosexuality that she sees everything as homophobia. And somehow, because this woman has a different moral standard that Margo, she’s the wrong one and she’s wrong to pass that on to her children.
Just as Margo states that this woman is probably passing on her negative feelings to her children, Margo is passing on her negative feelings about those that want to protect their children from a lifestyle they feel as wrong.