June 23, 2021

What Marriage is Supposed to be About

Vox Day has some interesting opinions. He mixes these with things intended to shock you. For the past month (it seems) he’s been taking up the topic of how males and females relate inside and outside of marriage. It must be a popular topic considering the feedback he’s been getting.

Yesterday, I believe, he talked about what he considers the proper role of a man in a relationship. Today he talked about what can cause a marriage to disintegrate. Though I don’t necessarily subscribe to the shock part of his post, I believe that he has something in the point of it.

It might help, I think, for some women to remember what their vows are centered on, and the special role they have taken in their husband’s lives. Seriously, with the priorities I’ve seen some women display, I can only wonder what job they thought they were signing up for.If you worry more about what you’re going to serve a man for dinner than how you’re going to rock his world later, you’re not his wife, you’re his cook.

If you spend more time obsessing about the last time you cleaned the house than the last time you had sex, you’re not his wife, you’re his cleaning lady.

If the children are always your top priority at all times, then you’re not his wife, you’re the nanny – or maybe just the day care center.

It’s not that these things are unimportant, but while they’re important, they are properly secondary concerns in a marriage. Your husband didn’t vow before God and Man to be faithful to your cooking and to never eat at another restaurant, after all. And sure, there will be times you’re not in the mood or whatever, but you might want to consider this: would you consider that reasonable grounds for him refusing to pay the mortage or the health insurance? Sex, like love, is a choice. If you’re always waiting for things to magically happen and sweep you away, you need to grow up and quit sleeping with the stuffed unicorn with the rainbows on it.

From what I’ve seen, there’s no shortage of men and women who simply don’t take marriage very seriously and refuse to accept any responsibilities within it. But failing to accept them doesn’t mean they don’t exist and that there won’t be consequences for doing so.

What I like about what he has to say is that it seems that it’s pretty easy for both spouses to get caught up in what they have to do to keep everything running and in that they neglect the basics of what they’re together for. Being witness to a marriage in disintegration myself (not mine! I’m very happy in mine, thank you!), I can see where each person continued to do more and more for themselves and what they thought were priorities rather than what was the priority in making the relationship work.

In a way, what he’s saying reminds me of Cain and Able. God asked for a specific sacrifice– it required blood. Able provided it. Cain gave of the best from his garden– the best that he had, but it was not what God wanted. Now, no man or woman is God, but perhaps some couples would benefit from some time sitting down and actually talking about what they expected and desired about a relationship instead of just assuming that what they’re really working hard at is what the other really wants.

Vox closes humorously by saying:

God is good. He knew what he was doing when he gave us Chinese takeout, the Roomba and early bedtimes.

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