June 20, 2021

Manipulative House Guests

If I were to try to detail all that’s been going on the past month, I think I would need a lot more space than this field will allow!  One of the themes I would like to present to you and see what you think:

Around February a young lady that was a friend of a couple of my siblings needed a place to stay.  She had been coming to church pretty regularly and had been coming over to my parents house after those services and at other times for meals and such.  She had decided to attend the same college as those siblings when she graduated this past spring.

Knowing of the girl’s attendance at church and how she reacted with my family, they accepted her in based on the description of her family’s treatment of her– which seemed intolerable.  My family provided food (even taking her out to meals) shelter, and had very little rules– including a curfew and knowledge of her whereabouts in case people wanted to contact her.  She had a cell phone, so this didn’t seem like too much to ask.

As time progressed, my sister got closer to her, and they did many things together.  It was discovered that some of this girl’s friends were homosexual males.  My parents advised her that they would not suggest
that she, as a new believer, should be hanging around these people and did not wish to have them around their house.  The girl believed that since these were her friends that had been with her though “thick and
thin” that my family was being unreasonable.  She continued to see them.

As time got closer to college, she expressed reservation about going to college.  In the mean time, my family had helped repair one of her vehicles– that she turned around and gave back to her parents.  She
planned on going on a mission trip, but bailed out a day before to “spend time with my mom before I go to college.”  She never ends up at her parent’s house.

She then goes down to college, rooming with my sister.  My parents get her things from WalMart and then
leave.  She complains on her journal about being lonely and missing her friends.  She spends all of her time there on the phone and computer talking with people back home.

After three days of classes, she leaves on a Sunday night while my siblings are at church, leaving a note.  She then posts a message on her message board saying that my parents are “disowning her” and that she can’t understand why they are upset.  My brother posts something about how much they’ve done for her, and her friends come rushing to her defence, calling my parents unloving, judgemental, and in some cases evil.

Now the mischaracterization continues.  My mother wanted her stuff out the day she came back.  She called and asked for two weeks– since that’s when she’d have an apartment.  My dad told her two weeks was fine.  She posted on her website that he was forcing her to remove her stuff in two weeks.  She replies in the e-mail that she’s going to need until Oct 1, but that she could move it out on Sunday.  Her posts also read that she’s moving in with one of her “homosexual male” friends.

What would you do/say about all this?  Would you let her wait until October so as not to have your name defamed even more (since most of this journal is read by area people) or say “move out on Sunday”?

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6 thoughts on “Manipulative House Guests

  1. MIn, it sounds as if you’ve accomodated the young woman as much as you can. Gratefulness is abiding the wishes of your host (after all, you are a guest). Also, if she is a believer, she should know that Paul wrote- “bad company corrupts good morals” and take heed!

    My mom takes care of troubled girls (and young moms) as well and there have been a fare share of girls she’s taken care of who are more socially inclined, than grateful or respectful. It’s as if they extend kindness to being entitled. For most of the girls, my mom had to give them an ultimatum and if that wasn’t met, well then, she did her duty in helping, but if her rules were not honored, then one can only percieve that that person wants to be autonomous. At that point, what can one do, but let them?

    I think you all have done a great thing, but the young lady should know what the Word says in her being w/certain company. She should also respect the people who have taken her in. If she decides to cut the ties and speak ill of you all, that’s between her and the Lord. Personally, I would not wait until October…

  2. The way that people react to certain things greatly depend on their upbringing. A lot of people can’t see what all the other persons are doing for them and thus they won’t acknowledge it.

    I know that I would be slightly offended if someone told me not to hang out with friends because of their sexual preference; however, I can understand your parent saying that since the person you’re referring to is now attending church.

    Some people see life through a window, others see it through milk — one’s clear, the other is opaque.

  3. Jocelyn, thanks for your input. I may have mischaracterized all of their problems as being homosexual, and made the mistake that some of these friends have made. I believe that my parents point was more along the lines of having for best friends people that would work against her faith instead of working towards it. These people that happened to be homosexual are also atheist and not as supportive of her faith as someone who shares it.

  4. All people have a sense of entitlement; that is the calling card of the flesh. The girl in question appears to be rather self involved, immature, and that she feels entitled. She has proven that she speaks out of both sides of her mouth and is on some level manipulative. However, if she’s never received such kindness, she will not know what to do with it. So she is rebellious with your family’s generosity because she isn’t sure how to handle things. Also, her hanging out with whomever she was told not to… that is a live wire indeed. I understand that she wouldn’t understand that hanging out with the old crowd may shade her relationship with Christ. She saw the refusal of her friends to visit the house as a rejection of her. Your parents certainly have the right to lay down the rules, she’s most likely hurt and resentful because what she views as okay, isn’t okay in that house. Your parents also have the right to ask her to leave whenever they like and should make sure that she’s actually telling the truth about the appartment. Her parents should be contacted as well. If she can move back there, she should. The homosexuality issue… it’s true that the bible says it’s wrong, and i certainly don’t advocate that lifestyle. However, Christ wouldn’t negilict them, nor would he refuse to be in aquantence with them. We must remember that he spent time with the poor, hookers, laywers, tax collectors, the sick, the dirty, and most of all- the average joe. He called the overly religious vipers and consistantly rebuked them for their attitudes. I am NOT saying that you or your family have behaved in any wrong way; i have been taken in by a couple of familes and know how generous it is to share with someone. All that to say, if we don’t spend time with the beggars, the refused populace, the people that the church views as “less than until you join us”, how are we to minister to the world? Jesus came for the sinners and has sent his people to them as well. We should

  5. Aimee, I don’t think it’s a question of can you associate with unbelievers as much as it is a question of whether you should be their best friends. Psalm 1 talks a lot about how a godly person doesn’t not keep company with unbelievers.

    The real question to be asked is that if Christ said “to expect persecution because they persecuted me” if you can still be the best of friends with unbelievers, what does that say about your faith and your walk with Christ? The other question is who is going to model Christianity better, the proclaimed atheist or the Christian?

  6. What i am saying is this: we cannot ignore people or relationships simply because they’re not christian. I know what it’s like to be shunned because you’re not the “christian” that they think you should be. Christ was friends with everyone, remember that too. It seems she’s immature and rebellious, which means she’s going to do as she wills. Modeling christianity is more than just going to church or reading your bible. it’s much much more than that.

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